Mom Tears (Originally: When Moms Can't Sleep)


When it comes to experience, I consider myself a new mom. Yes, Zoe has been around for almost a year, but, I consider her "new" still, so I'm a new mom. Before I had the Zo, when I couldn't sleep my mind raced, like any other woman's mind raced. Work, chores and other things that didn't matter in the grand scheme of life. Now, it races with all kinds of other things. Zoe, chores, Zoe's eating habits, dinner, Zoe's pooping habits, tutoring, Zoe's teeth, church, Zoe's kidney condition, the time, Zoe's ability to almost walk, and so much more. 

Oh and we can't forget the all so embarrassing, touching and uncontrollable crying when you can't sleep. Now, I am a crier. When my emotions get high in any form, sadness, anger or happiness, I cry. It's embarrassing. I have never in my life cried so much because I was filled with so much love for one person. When Zoe was little I would cry because I couldn't sleep and because I loved her so much. I get a little more sleep now. Zoe is going to grow up and make us so proud. Also, I love her something fierce. She is also going to meet all of the struggles and challenges this world has to offer. I cry for her for that. She will have to deal with most of it on her own, even though I will want to come in and kick some serious, let's say, butt, for her. Those tears I cry, are mom tears. 

Mom tears are complicated, mom tears have so much meaning in every drop. They sneak up on you like a ninja. They have no warning. You could be anywhere, BAM, mom tears. You hear a song in the car, you watch a movie (that was mine tonight), you hold your baby in any setting, you see your parents holding your baby, watching any father/daughter dance. Mom tears can be such jerks, they know your weaknesses. They can be the elegant single-tear type or the ugly, gasping-for-air type. Most of the time it's the latter for me, again they are jerks. Stinking hormones.

Mom tears are something I wish I would have understood a long time ago. I think I would have hugged my mama a little tighter when I saw hers flow. There is no way to begin to understand them until you experience them for the first time. Like many, mine flowed he first time I saw my baby girl, and then I looked at her daddy and saw dad tears. I couldn't begin to explain dad tears. I imagine they are like mom tears, but no group of people is as complicated as mothers are, so I imagine that they are far more straight-forward.

Since I am a new mom, I don't claim to know everything about mom tears. I haven't cried the graduation or the marriage tears, they will come and I will learn. Until then, I cry new mom tears, the kind that see a little baby ready to take on the world.

Look at that face. How could she not conquer the world?

I didn't intend for this post to be about crying. I intended it to be about my current insomnia. What are we going to eat for dinner tomorrow night? Can Zoe eat try it, too? So it continues...

That's all for now. God is good.

Zoe is Eleven Months!

Zoe is 11 months! WHAT?!? That isn't possible, she is my little baby! It's happening people. She grows everyday! She can almost walk. People always tell me, just wait until she can walk. I think we all know that the real danger lies when she begins to talk. What goes around comes around. It will come around hard. Watch out Daddy!. Last night we were in the restaurant, which happens to be a place where you say, "thank you", a good deal of times in a short amount of time. I said please and thank you several times. By the end of the night, Zoe was saying, "Daint Do". It took me a few minutes and then I realized that she was saying what I was saying. And so it begins...

Zoe loves:
  • Her Family
  • Standing Up without holding on to anything
  • Cruising around the furniture
  • Dogs!!
  • Anything that lights up and makes noise
  • Baby Einstein Videos
  • Music Videos
  • Other babies
  • Baby food from a pouch
  • Her sippy cup
  • Following Mommy around the apartment
  • Baby Mum-Mums
  • Cheerios
  • Chicken
  • Hamburger
  • Baby Puffs
  • Yogurt
  • Riding in her stroller
  • Flirting with the 8th Graders at St. Paul
  • Parroting what Mommy says in baby language
  • Television Theme Songs
  • Music
  • When daddy comes home

 Zoe doesn't like:
  • When mommy takes things from her
  • When Daddy leaves for work
  • Going down for a nap
  • Vacuum Cleaner
  • Getting her diaper changed
  • Changing her clothes

Zoe is undecided on:
  • Waking up from a nap
  • Her bottle
  • Peas and Carrots
  • Rice Cakes

 What people say about Zoe:

“Is she always so quiet?”

“I love hearing babies in church.”

“Those eyes, they are so beautiful.”

Many, many things in Spanish, some I understand, some not so much…

“Que Hermosa!”

Mommy and Daddy's Nicknames for Zoe:
  • Zobug
  • Bug
  • Bugs
  • Baby Bug
  • Bugaboo
  • Buggy McStuffins
  • Cheeks McGee
  • Pretty Lady
  • Little Bug
  • Little Baby
  • Mommy's Girl
  • Daddy's Girl
  • Little Snuggler
  • ZoZoBee
  • Buggy
  • Buggily
  • Little Mama
  • Baby Girl
  • Sweet Pea
  • Buglet
  • Bugsy Malone
  • ZoZo
  • Zo
  • Zoenado
I know you are actually here for the pictures.

She hates when I take this picture now.

Two seconds later.

See Mom, I like to sit.

I can't even handle the cuteness in this one.

This chair moves!!!

Excuse me?

See my teeth?

Those eyes.

Woody joins the fun.

Rescuing Woody from impending doom.

My buddies.

Practicing for a future Father-Daughter Dance.


My loves.

Yep. That pretty much sums it up.

And this one.

My heart.

That's all for now. God is good.